Natasha Raulerson

It’s An Author Thing: Don’t Piss Us Off

Let’s face it. Some people are just big giant bags of doucheholes. That’s putting it mildly.

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Once upon a time, there was this lady, who I dubbed the Evil B in 118. I had been walking my dog around the complex. She (my dog) had already done her business when we’d been farther out, as we come back, she stops to sniff some grass near the Evil B’s apartment. This lady then promptly bangs on her glass door, screaming at me like I’m eviscerating someone on full display.

I ignore her and move on. Start talking to another woman I know in the building who is also walking her dogs. Evil B comes around and proceeds to start screaming at me. My dog didn’t go to the bathroom on that patch of grass, and for the record, it also wasn’t the Evil B’s yard, as she so adamantly claimed.

It literally got to the point where she screamed that she saw her do it, and I screamed show-me-the-money-gif
back,ย ala Tom Cruise in ย Jerry Maguire: SHOW ME THE POOP!

Which, of course, she couldn’t. Seriously, she harrasssed me every time she saw me for like a good year. I wouldn’t say anything to her and she would just start screaming at me.

So, I did what I do best. I took her character archetype and put it one of my books. Granted, this was my first failed book, but creating Evil B as a fictional character, making her an evil, crazy person with the likeness of hair and dress as the real person was very therapeutic. It made me smile to know, that even if she didn’t know, she would be immortalized in a novel based on the way she treated me.

Yes, we do that.

It’s an author thing.

3e7d00892fa8a33b3129a1633346ef94Pissing an author off runs the risk of finding your character likeness in a book. They won’t
have your name, and there will be enough subtle differences that it’s notย actually you, but the basic archetype is there. We don’t have to add boils or grotesque features, because most times, the personality is enough to make the character ugly.

It’s really great fodder for our books, so sometimes, even as pissed off as we are, we should be thanking the doucheholes of the world for giving us so much to work with.

Well, nah. I don’t think we’d actually do that.

The moral of the story: Be careful who you piss off. You might find that our revenge immortalizes you in history in a way you would rather not be remembered.

The pen is mightier than the sword.

It’s an author thing.

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