Yeah, that’s about how I should feel right now. The truth is, it still needs so much work. The more I learn, the more I realize how much crap I’ve put onto paper. I’m so very proud of myself for getting the second round of edits done, but I still feel a little down that it’s not in a better state by this point. I think I’m having writer doubts. Am I good enough? Am I kidding myself thinking I can do this? It sucks. I should be happier, I know. Ninety percent of writing is rewriting. I just feel slumped I guess.
They say writing is easy. That’s true. Spilling words out into some random order on a page to tell a story is easy. It just doesn’t mean it’s good. Writing takes a lot of work. Rewriting, critiques, people not liking what’s been written, more rewriting, more critiques, critiques that then contradict what the last critique said. It’s a whirlwind of tumultuous emotions! I’m at the bottom of the roller coaster track right now. I know I can write better than what I’m producing. It’s frustrating that what’s in my mind is not transitioning onto the page. I want to throttle my muse for being so confusing and not straight froward.
With everything going on, between school, life, and writing, I’ve opted to no longer do book reviews. It’s not that I don’t want too. I simply don’t have the time. I’m spreading myself much too thin these days. I plan to focus on school and writing, writing and school, and hopefully turn this sludge fest of a manuscript into something worth reading. It’s going to take more time than I thought, but by slimming down my extra curricular activities and focusing on what’s important to me, hopefully I’ll be able to push past this and get it where I want it to be.